I have often referred to myself as a chameleon. While this is a gift in the way I can relate and build relationships, it also can leave me feeling “icky” and sometimes like a fraud.
Recently my therapist put words to my “icky” feeling by asking this simple question, “are you validating or perpetuating?”
Validation does not equal agreement.
Authenticity is a core value for me.
Kindness is a core value for me.
Empathy is a core value for me.
When I perpetuate an opinion that I don’t agree with, or one side of a two-sided story, or an untrue thought, instead of simply providing validation of the feeling, that’s when I feel “icky” because I have gone against my core values.
Validation sounds like:
“That sounds really difficult.”
“That conversation must’ve been really difficult. ”
“I can understand your frustration.”
Perpetuating sounds like:
“I can’t believe she treated you like that!”
“I bet he did that on purpose.”
“She is such a fraud.”
Validate. Don’t perpetuate. This mindset shift has been a freeing moment for me, I hope it can help you too.
Love,
Mindy
